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21 December 2008 @ 04:01 pm
wishing you were mine is such a dumb thing to do::..  
It seemed that once I got everything off my chest things went back to normal. By normal, I mean that I wouldn't be surprised if my parents are tip-toe-ing around me now, but at the same time I don't think they are.
Mum still talks to me; I was worried some of the things I had said would have offended her so much that she'd start avoiding me, but that seems not to be the case. We're decorating for chrismas now, despite the fact that it's only four days away...I know I'm getting my iPod, but mum says she's got something else that's a surprise.

This is me hoping in vain for a used PS2 of my own!

Dad just got back from tennis and the house is a mess. Wrapping stuff is everywhere, packing stuff too. It made me sad to receive packages that didn't have bubble wrap, but dad pointed out that the air bubble things they use now make more noise. Our vacuum has been broken, so we went to get a new one.

But I think I'm missing the point of this entry.
I am relieved. The Christmas spirit has saved me, in reality, from taking the consequences of all the horrible things I said.
I'm not sure all of what mum told dad, but the next day when we went all together to get a tree he held me tight and told me he missed not seeing me last night.

Sometimes, I guess the trick is just to remember to count your blessings, huh?

I had a conversation with mum last night about how I want a beautiful baby. I want a son who will grow up to be tall but strong and with dark hair and light eyes. Mum made the mistake of pointing out that I have an amazing gene pool to choose from; that I may even get violet eyes. The very idea of a beautiful, dark-haired son with violet eyes made me melt inside. So I went to bed, with the visions of this beautiful child in my head.

I had a dream last night, of a perfect boy who fell in love with me. He had sandy blonde hair and dark eyes.
It's one of those dreams that you wish you could never wake up from because you're certain that has to be what love feels like--
but you can only have it in your dream, somewhere where it isn't quite real.


You're a figure of fun to everyone
Beneath the lone star, neon blue broken sign
They wish they were you
Like I wish you were mine
What a dumb thing to do

How come I shout goodbye when god knows I just want to
Make this white lie big enough to climb inside
With you.
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Jessicasmittenginger on December 22nd, 2008 04:21 pm (UTC)
Tell ya what....I'll get you a roll of bubble wrap and tuck it inside your box. n.n

*hughug* I'm sure your children will be gorgeous. I mean, look at you, hun! And I wish I had dreams like that. Maybe then I would know if I really love Joel or not. n.n;;

Btw....call me and ask about my Christmas tree. XD

I LOVE YOU!